Why is couples therapy hard?
Navigating the Complex Journey of Couples Therapy
Why Is Couples Therapy So Hard?
Couples therapy can be transformative, helping partners navigate difficult issues and foster a stronger connection. However, many find it a challenging, sometimes even overwhelming, process. So, what makes couples therapy hard, and why do so many people experience this unique discomfort? Here, we’ll dive into the core reasons why couples therapy can be difficult and how understanding these challenges can help couples approach it with a more realistic and empowered mindset.
Couples therapy can feel hard because it requires partners to confront issues that may have been buried or avoided for a long time. When you're working on a relationship, especially in the presence of a therapist, the setting encourages honesty and vulnerability—which, though crucial, can also feel deeply uncomfortable or even threatening.
Facing Uncomfortable Truths
One of the most challenging aspects of couples therapy is facing truths about ourselves and our partners that we may have avoided. Therapy brings out honest conversations, and that honesty can be painful. People often go into therapy thinking their partner will be the one needing to change, but a skilled therapist will challenge each partner to look inward and see how their own actions, habits, or reactions contribute to conflicts. This kind of self-reflection is hard, and it’s not something that most of us are well practiced in.
Longstanding Patterns Are Difficult To Change
Starting couples therapy is also letting go of how your relationship has been for years, maybe even decades. The issues that are encouraging your to seek couples therapy are also what you are used to and there is a level of comfort in what we already know. It is a big ask to shift how we communicate and show up in our relationships and takes a fair amount of heavy lifting to make the changes necessary for sustained relationship changes.
Many relationship patterns are habits built up over years. Changing them requires partners to step out of their comfort zones, practice new ways of communicating, and even adjust how they see each other. This takes time and sustained effort, which is often a far cry from the quick fix so many people are seeking.
Facing Unresolved Feelings
Therapy can bring up unresolved or painful feelings that neither partner may have fully acknowledged before. This often means revisiting past arguments, misunderstandings, or hurts, which can feel emotionally draining. Being able to address issues as they arise is the goal moving forward after couples therapy. Putting in the difficult work with a couples therapist there to guide you will enable you to change patterns of conflict avoidance and passive aggression.
Relearning Communication
Effective communication isn't just about speaking; it’s about understanding, listening, and expressing oneself without blame. These skills may need to be relearned, which can be humbling and frustrating. A well trained couples therapist will have tools and the skill to guide you through the process of improving overall communication.
Accountability and Ownership
Therapy challenges each person to look at their own role in the relationship dynamics, which can feel hard if someone is used to blaming their partner or minimizing their own contributions to conflict. This is often the most challenging part of couples therapy. Many couples go to therapy expecting the therapist to tell them that their partner is wrong and work with one client to fix or change the other. This is not couples therapy, a couples therapist will work to challenge everyone involved in the relationship at different times, this is a delicate dance couples therapists are constantly tracking during sessions.
B Snogles Couples Therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist in Detroit and Across Michigan and Florida.
Contact B Snogles to schedule your first couples therapy or relationship counseling session today.
