Sex Therapy: What You Need To Know
Sex Therapy: What You Need To Know with AASECT Certified Sex Therapist B Snogles
Sex Therapy is a specialization within the field of therapy that requires additional training, supervision and consultation in areas pertaining to human sexuality, relationships, identity development, and sexual dysfunction. Which is all a bunch of words to say its a field of therapy all on its own. Given that training programs for therapists are sorely lacking in sex therapy education, therapists that are interested in specializing seek out additional training beyond education required for basic licensure.
Ok Ok I get what a sex therapist is but what do they do? Is there touch involved?
Let’s just get this out of the way, no there is not any sexual touch involved in sex therapy. Some therapists utilize somatic approaches that may involve non sexual touch that requires active and ongoing consent. A referral to a Surrogate Partner may be a useful adjunct to sex therapy and can be a beneficial part of a care team and may include touch.
A sex therapist utilizes their training and expertise to help you explore your goals and what you would like to experience differently with sex and sexuality. Struggles with sexual function are fairly common yet many people don’t know who to turn to with their struggles. Some examples include:
sex pain of all varieties
low, diminished or no desire (or desire discrepancy within couples where one has higher desire and there is relational distress)
low libido or decreased libido that is distressing to the person or relationship, lack of sexual interest
high libido or increased libido that is distressing to the person or relationship
premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation
low sexual confident
out of control sexual behavior (often called sex addiction or porn addiction)
inability to reach orgasm when orgasm is desired
sexual identity exploration
gender identity exploration
relational identity exploration
kink/bdsm exploration
Non-monogamies, polyamory, relationship anarchy, consensual non monogamy
sexual trauma or other upsetting sexual experiences
Increasing connection
Improving communication
How does sex therapy work?
When you start working with a sex therapist you will do an intake just as you would any other therapy. This is for the therapist to gain more insight into the full picture of what you are coming in with. Sex therapists work with individuals as well as couples and relationships.
One common misconception about couples and relationship therapy is that the therapist will choose a side and tell you who is wrong then how the person in the wrong can fix the entire relationship. This is not couples therapy with a well trained couples therapist. When you see a couples therapist your relationship is actually their client, not you are your partners as individuals. A couples therapist has no stake in the game of whether or not you improve your relationship, stay together or break up. They can offer up tools and experiences to work toward your goals. Relational sex therapy is no different, the therapist is there to support your goals and your relationship.
As sessions go on you will continue to clarify and begin to work toward your goals of sex therapy. These goals are set with you and can change as your relationship changes. If your sex therapist assesses and believes there may be a physical health component to what you are experiencing they will refer you to a medical provider that can help with the medical part while you continue to work with the sex therapist on the relationship and mental health part. If you sign a release, your doctor and sex therapist can coordinate your care and be sure everyone is working toward the same goals and support you and/or your relationship the best they can.
As with many couples therapists, sex therapists often give assignments to do between sessions to work toward your goals. With therapy, you get out of the treatment what you put in and the more you practice the skills the more shifts you will experience.
How do I find a reputable sex therapist?
Finding a sex therapist starts with an online search, a great place to begin is the AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists) referral directory. Licensed and certified sex therapists will be listed on AASECT, AASECT is the gold standard of sex therapy certification. You can also look on search engines for a sex therapist in your state by searching “Sex Therapist Michigan” or sexologists near me or sexologist near me, for example. This should give you a list of providers licensed to work in your state, from there ask about credentials and additional training in sex and sex therapy.
Should I go for individual sex therapy or couples sex therapy?
That is really an individual decision, though I do encourage people to seek the support of a couples and sex therapist when possible. If your partner(s) are on board with sex therapy it can be incredibly beneficial to have the relational element there. A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist will likely bring the relational aspects into individual sessions as well but not all therapists will. If your partners are not keen or not sold on the idea yet, it is absolutely still working seeking out individual sex therapy. Sometimes when working with a sex therapist as a couple or relationship, the therapist may refer one or all individuals to their own sex therapists to work through individual issues as well. It really depends on what you are bringing to therapy and what your goals are. It never hurts to ask a therapist and better to get started alone than not at all.
