The Ultimate Guide to Building Trust in Your Relationships

The Ultimate Guide to Building Trust in Your Relationships: with B Snogles, individual, couples, and sex therapist.

Telling the truth in our relationships is how we build trust, or at least that is the common understanding of trust building and repair. There is so much that goes into trusting other people and many things that can get in the way or go wrong.

Trust is the foundation of any meaningful relationship, whether personal or professional. It fosters collaboration, encourages open communication, and ultimately leads to stronger connections. Here’s how to cultivate and build trust effectively:

1. Be Transparent

Transparency is crucial in establishing trust. Share information openly and honestly, and don’t hesitate to communicate your thoughts and feelings. When people know you’re being straightforward, they’re more likely to reciprocate. There are a number of loving lies that we tell within our relationships, having conversations with the people in your life to determine topics they do not want to be lied about is necessary.

For example, you may tell a loving lie that you think your partners tie looks great before an event, when in reality you think it is hideous. This may be no big deal in the grand scheme of things unless your partner takes specific issue with this type of lie or genuinely wants your opinion and fashion assistance. The need to be explicit in your relationships comes up in so many scenarios, this is one of them. Self protective lies that aim to gain ground for yourself are almost always going to cause harm to your relationship, think about infidelity here. If you are looking for more information about truth telling, the book “Tell Me No Lies” can be a great deep dive, and seeing a couples therapist can greatly benefit your growth within relationships and toward truth telling. Being able to know your truth, share it despite a partner or friends response, and being able to hear their truth even when it hurts are all parts of differentiation. Here is a blog link for more about differentiation.

Telling the truth is not easy, often it is met with heightened emotions, silent treatment or walking away. These are considered Lie Inviting Behaviors. How we set the stage for someone to tell us something, challenges their ability to do so in a truthful manner. “Dont” is a word that invites lies, can you think about your relationships and find the “dont”? The key takeaway here is understanding that relationships are……well, relational. It would be difficult to find examples of times only one person in a relationship is to “blame” for a difficult interaction or relational struggle. Not only is the person being dishonest contributing to it, so is the person having large reactions and not working toward their own emotional regulation.

Being transparent is a great lens to look at building trust through. The person doing the thing or having the thought or feeling etc is the one responsible for offering the transparency. The other people shouldn’t have to fish for answers or beg for clarity and honesty. Being transparent, even when it is uncomfortable, is an excellent move toward trust.

2. Communicate Effectively

Clear communication helps to eliminate misunderstandings. Listen actively and respond thoughtfully. Encourage others to express their opinions and concerns, creating an environment where everyone feels heard. Doing this is so much easier said than done. Practice, practice, practice. Can you say your piece even if you know your partner or friend isn’t gonna like what they hear? Why or Why not? Reflect on your individual role in the communication dynamics within your relationships. Where can you find room for improvement?

3. Keep Your Agreements

Reliability is a key component of trust. If you commit to something, follow through. If circumstances change, communicate as soon as possible. Being consistent in your actions builds confidence in your reliability. If you need to break an agreement, directly communicate as soon as possible.

An aspect of agreement making that is often overlooked, are your agreements genuine? Why might you say no instead? If you slow down and truly think about the agreement are you still sure? We often gloss right over the part where we check in with ourselves for accuracy, how can we show up honestly and build trust if we are people pleasing or avoiding conflict?

4. Respect Boundaries

Understanding and respecting personal boundaries is vital. This shows that you value the other person’s comfort and autonomy, which helps foster a safe space for trust to grow. If someone sets a boundary with you, a true boundary and not an attempt at controlling what YOU do, are you willing and able to respect that boundary?

5. Be Authentic

Authenticity breeds trust. Be yourself and let your values and beliefs shine through. People are more likely to trust someone who is genuine and not trying to be someone they’re not. This comes right back to that idea of differentiation. Do you know what you think, feel, believe, and desire? Can you authentically express that to someone else? Can you hear what they authentically feel, believe, think or desire? Again, we are right back at the concept that all relationships are relational and impacted by everyone in them.

6. Repair

The world will not end because you made a mistake, but your relationship might if you dont handle it well. Admit your mistake, apologize if the situation warrants it, and work toward creating a plan for how to move forward with the aspects needed for a genuine apology. How are you going to be accountable to your partner or loved one? What does your process of repair and growth look like? Where do you get stuck and what can you do to get over hurdles moving forward? Conflict and repair and admitting we we wrong or cause harm is UNCOMFORTABLE. Be ok with it, work with it, and grow as a relational human.

6. Check In

Relationships are hard, dont make them harder by sweeping things under the rug and avoiding conflict. Have regular check ins, ask what you can do differently in receiving information you maybe dont want to hear. Share what your needs are surrounding truth telling and trust and be aware of how you react when you hear something you do not like or would not prefer. It is bound to happen, and if you are showing up in your relationships in ways that invite truth telling no doubt this will happen.

7. Reflect

Reflect on your individual role in building trust, where are areas of growth that you have been overlooking or avoiding? What do you want to see change in your communication with others in your life? How can you show up in discussions from a place that aligns with your relational values?

Conclusion

Building trust is an ongoing journey that requires commitment and effort. By practicing these principles, you can create a solid foundation for enduring personal and professional relationships. Remember, trust is not given lightly; it is earned through consistent actions and genuine interactions. Start today, and watch your relationships flourish!

Building trust takes time. Be patient with the process and allow relationships to develop naturally. Rushing can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunications. When in doubt, be explicit.

B Snogles is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist working with individuals, couples/relationships in Michigan and Florida. Contact B Snogles to schedule an appointment today!