Surviving the Holidays Together: 5 Expert Tips for Couples

The holiday season is a magical time, but it can also bring its fair share of stress. Between family gatherings, travel plans, and endless to-do lists, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Amid the hustle and bustle, your relationship might take a backseat.

Going into the holidays with this understanding will help you make an active choice to communicate and find connection where you can. To keep the connection strong and joyful, here are five practical tips to nurture your relationship during this festive season.

If you find yourself stuck in poor communication or issues with your relationship this holiday season, reach out to a trained couples therapist.

1. Prioritize Communication

The holidays often come with packed schedules, which can lead to misunderstandings or unmet expectations. Make time to check in with each other regularly—whether it’s a quick morning chat over coffee or a longer conversation before bed. Be honest about your feelings, plans, and needs to avoid unnecessary tension.

This is a perfect time to be explicit in your expectations, and I don't just mean what you want for a gift. If you expect to do everything in a certain order, or to spend certain days with certain family members, your partner cannot and will not read your mind. Have these discussions before they become an issue. If you have expectations of your partner, it is a wonderful time to explore and share those with your partner to see what sort of agreements you can come to.

So many times, we are with someone long enough that we expect they should be mind readers, this is unfair to them and will only lead to our own disappointment. Be clear, be specific, get explicit!

Tip: Use "I" statements to express yourself, like, “I feel stressed about hosting the party,” rather than assigning blame. The same goes for requests “I would like to leave the party by 8pm or take separate cars.”

2. Make Decisions Together

Family dynamics and holiday obligations can be tricky. Discuss and agree on boundaries together to ensure you’re both comfortable with commitments. Whether it’s deciding how much time to spend with extended family or how to divide time between your respective families, make decisions as a team.

If you do not agree on a decision, can you both get what you desire and do your own thing? Do you need further discussion to see if a new plan can be made? Assuming we are on the same page as our partner with decisions is a recipe for disaster.

Tip: Don’t be afraid to say no to events or activities that might strain your time or energy. Don’t be afraid to say no to activities that you have traditionally felt awful after.

Pro Tip: Remember, boundaries are not about controlling others behavior, they are about clearly communicating your own needs and desires without trying to force others to act a certain way.

3. Create Your Own Traditions

Holiday traditions can help strengthen your bond and make the season feel uniquely yours. Whether it’s baking cookies, watching a favorite holiday movie, or taking an evening stroll to see lights, find something special you both enjoy and make it a tradition.

I recommend creating your own traditions even when you are holding on to traditions you came into the relationship with. Sure, engaging in traditions that have been going for years can be incredible, so can creating a tradition just for your and your partner or chosen family. 

Tip: Include something small and meaningful that only the two of you share. If you have more than one partner you can create traditions with each partner that make the holidays feel special.

4. Practice Gratitude

Amid the chaos, it’s important to focus on the positives. Express gratitude for each other and the little things your partner does. A simple “thank you” can go a long way in making your partner feel appreciated and loved. Take this a step further and practice gratitude for all of the ways you are cared for in your relationship throughout the year.

Remind yourself that the holidays aren't the only time to receive care and that your partner shows up for you in many ways beyond the material. Sometimes disappointment over gifts can cause conflict, remembering why you are in the relationship can help calm you to discuss that disappointment. 

Tip: Try a “gratitude jar” where you each write down something you’re thankful for about the other, then read them together on New Year’s Eve. If you have children this can be done throughout the year with what you are grateful for and when you notice acts of kindness. This is an excellent way to wrap up the year.

5. Plan Downtime

The holidays can be exhausting, and burnout can lead to irritability. Be intentional about carving out downtime for just the two of you. Think back to the things that brought you together in the first place, when was the last time you engaged in play and fun with one another for the sake of joy?

Tip: Schedule downtime on your calendar, so it’s as much of a priority as other holiday events. Just like you schedule date nights year round, scheduling down time for you to recharge and reconnect will serve your relationship well. 

Final Thoughts

The holiday season can either bring you closer together or create unnecessary friction—it’s all about how you approach it. By prioritizing communication, setting boundaries, and cherishing the moments you have together, you’ll ensure a season filled with joy, love, and connection.

B Snogles provides couples therapy in Traverse City and across Michigan and is an AASECT certified sex therapist.